my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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