"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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