he shaved USA in his pubs
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize