we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize