I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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