We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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