There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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