You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize