goodnight i made you a song goodbye
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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