Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize