my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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