Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize