It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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