Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
