I like my sex mixed with concussions.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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