Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize