bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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