I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize