he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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