Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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