This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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