I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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