i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize