I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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