How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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