Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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