dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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