I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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