i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
