I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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