So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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