I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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