he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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