My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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