isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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