So drunk its hurt
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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