Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize