It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize