He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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