I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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