i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize