i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize