he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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