so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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