OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just had sex bonerless
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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