U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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