based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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