So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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