Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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