one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize